I hate that bleep sound. Why won’t they just come and turn it off? …BLEEP. My rising irritation is fighting with my deep desire to sleep and my anger is winning…BLEEP. With the last of my energy I turn to face the machine that is now the focus of my hatred… BLEEP. I see the saline and the antibiotics have run their course and although I know how to reset the machine, my energy is spent. …BLEEP. So I just lie and hate the instrument of torture before me…BLEEP.
My pain is back, this is a seven, and I know they’ll ask…BLEEP. Oh no! This feels odd, a pop and then eight, nine… BLEEP.
My buzzer lies just a foot away but may as well be miles, so I lie and hate that as well…BLEEP. I know they’re busy and they don’t realise how life threatening this is, I think, as my pain envelops me… BLEEP. I wonder, is my pain new or has the morphine worn off? I didn’t know nor really care I just want it away…BLEEP.
I find myself uncomfortable, awash with wet, cold, sweat…BLEEP. My body starts to shiver, oh man! That’s all I need…BLEEP.
The kind nurse appears, although no glasses, drugged and dying it’s hard to make her out… BLEEP. I recognise her aura, it’s strong with bright white light… BLEEP. She’s different to the others, she cares about what she does…BLEEP.
She resets the machine and there’s no bleep, and pushes the buzzer to my hand.
“You should have buzzed us dear”, she takes my temperature and runs away.
“I’m cold, in pain and don’t feel right” I whisper, but no one there to hear. My violent shaking made me hope she’s gone to get a blanket.
Sweat was running down my eyebrows and pooling uncomfortably in my eyes, I can’t raise my hand to clear them, another irritation. I blink and blink but even that is too much effort and so I close them…BLEEP. That bloody noise is back.
There is a lot of noise around me and as I force my eyes to open all I see are auras. White, yellow, turquoise, green and blue, majestic in their lustre…BLEEP. I want a blanket and she got me a fan… why is she so cruel. It is blasting right in my face… I hate my new endurance test. My pain has reached a pinnacle, my whole body alive with it…BLEEP. Before the morphine could reach my veins, my pain disappears. I transcend pain and leave my body, but my thoughts and sense remain. I connect to the energies, I now no longer care, all I feel is peace and see the love from the auras.
This is a rush, I am so aware of everything. I am connecting and merging with so many energies. A knowledge comes over me. I understand so much now that I couldn’t know before. Life is so simple and pure. My soul feels energised. How could I possibly ever have forgotten how this feels? I am happy to follow this energy trail, it is where I want to be. I want to connect with other brighter energies, I need to evolve…
I see a young pretty doctor, dressed in green scrubs. She has amazing eyes, big and full of compassion. She is talking to me but I can’t hear her words.
“It’s ok, you’re going to feel groggy, and you’ve had another big op… your bowel had perforated and you had sepsis again… I think we lost you, but your time here must not be done.”
I watch her walk away, the machine next to me starts to bleep, but it doesn’t bother me. My life will be different from now on. I need a pen and paper, I need to write.